Why I Am Happily Married

It might seem arrogant for me to say that I am happily married, since I have only been married for a short while and have not suffered many sorrowful or disappointing experiences with my husband as yet, but this article is not completely about us as such, but the ideal marriage and what we are striving for.

Firstly, I would like to start out with how I found the most suitable partner for myself. I prayed, a lot, for many years. I thought I would be married by the age of twenty, but God decided to push my faith in finding the right husband for another seven years, before I met him. I believe there is a price to pay in finding the right man, be it many years of loneliness, a lot of challenging life experiences and certainly faith and patience.

It also takes preparing one self to meet the right man. Spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, physically etc. Not that I was in the best shape when I met my husband, but I believe that God takes everything into account, like the desires of your heart and all the efforts you have put in before. I did not pursue men, I believe a woman should know her place and let the man be the hunter. So, waiting I did, and it was definitely worth it.

Now, how did I know he was the perfect partner for me. I will tell you, that it was not love at first sight, but the way I felt when I was around him. I felt a strong sense of peace and calmness. I also had no doubts that he was perfect for me. As in No Doubts. I knew that if he would ask me to marry him, I would not have to think twice. He had a good job, we had the same religion, our backgrounds were very similar and we had the same goals in life. I did not have any reason to want to change him. In fact, I accepted him just as he was, whether he was overweight or not, to me he was perfect. And he felt the same way about me.

We have now been married for one year. You might laugh and think, that is nothing, and I agree, but I also know that many of my friends have married and got divorced within the first three years of their marriage. But I know, without a doubt, that our marriage will last a very long time. Not because I am ignorant or blinded by love, but because we share everything, we sacrifice of ourselves and we sometimes reduce our own personal liberties.

The mere performance of a ceremony does not bring happiness and a successful marriage. Happiness does not come by pressing a button, happiness is a state of mind and comes from within. It must be earned. It cannot be purchased with money, it cannot be taken for nothing.

Some think of happiness as a glamorous life of ease, luxury, and constant thrills, but true marriage is based on happiness which is more than that, one which comes from giving, serving, sharing, sacrificing and selflessness. A happy marriage means 100% devotion from both husband and wife. [Extracted from Teachings of Presidents of the Church - Spencer W. Kimball]

Elder Spencer W. Kimball expressed that sweethearts should realize before they take vows that each must accept literally and fully that the good of the little new family must always be superior to the good of either spouse. Each party must eliminate the "I" and the "my" and substitute..."we" and "our". Every decision must take into consideration that there are two or more affected by it. As she approaches major decisions now, the wife will be concerned as to the effect they will have upon the parents, the children, the home, and their spiritual lives. The husband's choice of occupation, his social life, his friends, his every interest must now be considered in the light that he is only a part of a family, that the totalness of the group must be considered...

For two people to work out their marriage together, they need a carefully worked out budget, made by both husband and wife, and then careful adherence to the same. Many marriages are defeated in the marketplace when unscheduled purchases are made. Remember that marriage is a partnership and is not likely to be successful otherwise.

A marriage may not always be even and incidentless, but it can be one of great peace. A couple may have poverty, illness, disappointment, failures, and even death in the family, but even these will not rob them of their peace. The marriage can be a successful one so long as selfishness does not enter in. Troubles and problems will draw parents together into unbreakable unions if there is total unselfishness there...

Certainly the the foods most vital for love are consideration, kindness, thoughfulness, concern, expressions of affection, embraces of appreciation, admiration, pride, companionship, confidence, faith, partnership, equality, and interdependence.

To be really happy in marriage, one must have a continued faithful observance of the commandments of the Lord. No one, single or married, was ever sublimely happy unless he was righteous. There are temporary satisfactions and camouflaged situations for the moment, but permanent, total happiness can come only through cleanliness and worthiness...

If two people love the Lord more than their own lives and then love each other more than their own lives, working together in total harmony with the gospel program as their basic structure, they are sure to have this great happiness.

There is one other very important aspect I would also like to mention.

There are those married people who permit their eyes to wander and their hearts to become vagrant, who think it is not improper to flirt a little, to share their hearts and have desire for someone other than the wife or the husband. The Lord says in no uncertain terms:"Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else."(Doctrine and Covenants 42:22)

The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.
Frequently, people continue to cleave unto their mothers and their fathers and their chums.

Sometimes mothers will not relinquish the hold they have had upon their children, and husbands as well as wives return to their mothers and fathers to obtain advice and counsel and to confide, whereas cleaving should be to the wife in most things, and all intimacies should be kept in great secrecy and privacy from others. Marriage presupposes total allegiance and total fidelity. Each spouse takes the partner with the understanding that he or she gives totally to the spouse all the heart, strength, loyalty, honor, and affection, with all dignity. [Extracted from The Teachings of Presidents of the Church - Spencer W. Kimball]

Thank you for taking the time to read this article.